It Takes 2!
By Nevin Jefferson
Dear Fairy Godmother,
I met my best friend online about 7 months ago. We hang out all the time and basically know what the other person is thinking before they even think about it. When I first met Anthony, he told me that there would be no hookups. I was ok with that. I started sleeping over at his house and basically spent all my free time there. I have developed feelings for him and he knows that but still doesn’t want to have a relationship with me. Do you think he will ever come around and realize that we were meant for each other?
I think it is wonderful you have met someone to be so close with; that type of relationship is rare. I would like to tell you he will come around, but one can never be sure about matters of the heart. If it does work out, starting as friends is a great way to begin any romantic relationship. Friendship is what’s missing in a lot of couples’ lives. I hope he comes to feel the same way about you, but if not, you will have a great friend, which is not something you find every day. I have also found that while relationships come and go, true friends are always there. Cherish him and see where it goes from there! It’s a win-win situation!
Love, Your Fairy Godmother
What we want is someone to love us and accept us just as we are. What we get is someone who won’t give us the time of day. There are the lucky ones who hit it off right away and live in bliss forever. Then there are those who are in a market and men are a dime a dozen but you don’t have a penny. You like them, but you’re not their type. Type? Drop-dead gorgeous, young and cute, well-endowed, killer bod, and straight out of a magazine. Problem is, one neglects to look in the mirror first. The type of desired wouldn’t have anything to do with the attracter on their worst day, not even at closing time at the bars. Type generally exceed expectations and can be deceiving when one is in the mindset of meeting relationship material. You overlook the person on a whole while picking out the pieces that you’re interested in. You’re better off if you go for substance and stick to reality. Your life will be a little bit nicer. High expectations lead to quick heartbreak. Keep it simple. Give the person room not to be perfect and not to meet all of your expectations. Basic attraction leads head first into a brick wall 97% of the time. The other 3% is spent fighting off people, who want you, but you know good and well that they’re not the one for you. The feelings may be strong, but a one-way street goes nowhere. If they don’t feel the same way about you, let go, move on, and chalk it up as friendship. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Until then put your emotions in check and call it a day. Then there’s the other heartbreak tragedy that occurs. You meet that special person you’ve been waiting for and run in the opposite direction. Call it fear of commitment, denial of what’s going on, and the fear of rejection. Reaching out to others, being caring, considerate, courteous, and loving towards others as well as yourself is the key to overcoming fear. The time to knock it off and welcome it with open arms is now. If it’s right, you’ll know it. Life is all about taking risks and chances with the incentive “nothing beats a failure, but a try” building encouragement and the desire to succeed. If they don’t want you, it’s their lost! Meanwhile you’ll make a new friend. You don’t miss what you have especially when you don’t have it. Sabotaging a good thing that you have difficulty dealing with is a no-no. It’s no fun having your emotions played with either you’re interested or you’re not. Decide quickly to avoid the other party from suffering from your insensitivity. Such nonsense, what is a King or Queen to do? For starters learn to enjoy your own company and spend quiet time with yourself. Spending a constructive, creative, evening alone playing music, making a good dinner, watching the boob tube, reading a book, cleaning house, and venturing off into arts and crafts is very rewarding in itself. You’re too busy to feel alone, lost, and lonely or dwell on minor things that can become a major problem. This helps you make a commitment to yourself while developing a strong relationship with yourself. If you’re not right for yourself involving another person will be doomed from the start. By becoming comfortable with yourself, you’ll have no problems being comfortable around others. Until then, get in control of your emotions and call it a night. In everything that we do it takes two to make it a reality come true. It takes participation from both parties involved with a strong line of communication being the key. It’s not one sided! It’s all about seeing the real picture, not the clips from your fantasy or expectations. Friendship is about caring about the other person’s interests, being there, giving them their own space to be grow into their own individuality while escaping into their personal and private space. You show compassion, empathy, and sympathy while expressing love for yourself and your fellowman. Offering the hand of fellowship to others via a sincere smile, greeting, and introducing yourself opens the door to an acquaintance and possible good friendship down the road. Even if someone turns their nose up at you then look away from you in disgust, you still continue to show kindness and compassion towards your fellowman. An outgoing strong personality becomes the clack in the cliques that you greet in good cheer. One may turn their back while others will welcome the good cheer and regain faith in their fellow Queen and King. It’s all about believing in yourself, forgiveness, trusting, be loyal and true to yourself, while helping to heal, help, and do what’s right. Not stuck up, bitter, discontent, while becoming a hostile refuge in Negativeville. Like attracts like. What is your magnet attracting?
© Nevin Jefferson, All Rights Reserved