The Saga Continues…I DO!

The Saga Continues…
By Nevin Jefferson

Saga Notes: Last week The California Supreme Court ruled that state laws prohibiting the recognition of same-sex marriages violate state constitutional rights of Gay people. Right On! Power 2 All God’s People! To express the total joy, happiness, cheer, and finally
a shot of getting hitched-I present a Saga from the yesterday of 2002.

The Saga Continues….
I Do!

My so-called psychic friend called me at 3:00 a.m. and told me that he had a vision of me getting married in a real wedding ceremony to a former Porno Star or Ex-Hustler. Great! Now on my Honeymoon, I’ll either be filmed or charged! I told him that I had a vision of my shuffling his tarot cards then cramming them up his butt, flipping them out of his mouth one by one. Till this day, he still holds to this as being true. To this day I still think that he’s just as cracked as his crystal ball. Well Ms.Cleo has nothing to worry about from this one, she can come out of hiding. I’m all
for same-sex marriages, I signed up for every upcoming Wedding special there is. I even have my wedding attire planned with a tailor on standby when the day comes. No, it’s not a wedding gown, it’s very formal attire created and designed by yours truly. It’s hot! I plan on putting every Bride to shame as I leave Old Maid territory and head out to new frontier. The problem is finding someone to make it happen in a world where people who say that they want a commitment don’t. And people who say that they don’t want a commitment do. It’s very confusing. Some men want to meet, partial greet, get off the drawers, get it on and move on. In this day and age this could lead you towards a funeral instead of a wedding. Either that, or Poster Boy for the STD clinics nationwide. Some men are having a hard time of adapting to the new way of things. They can’t relate. Not only do they have to wear a condom; they
have to talk to you. They have to get to know you better and start to like you. They even have to tell you their last name! Then throw in dinner and a movie or any social outing that’s strictly one on one and they go bonkers. It’s too much for these men to handle with the desire to flee whenever they get too close to a person. And of course, they blame you! It’s your fault that they’re developing feelings and emotions for you. Get real! Better yet, get out! Then they hit you with the classic line; “we’re moving to fast, we need to take it slow. Let’s see other people”. If I wanted to see other people, I wouldn’t be seeing you to begin with, chump! How is seeing or rather screwing other people going to bring us closer? Next! If this isn’t enough to make you get into the bathtub with razor blades and violin music, this one will. Today’s man will email you instead of calling you. To me, this is impersonal and distancing one’s self from a person. If you like me call me, don’t type me! To me, emails are for quick notes, jokes, smut, recipes, “Thinking of You”, “You turn my stomach”, and your other typical stuff. They claim that it’s cheaper than a phone call and faster. Or Worst, they tell you to call them! Honey, take a good look at my picture. Do you actually think that I’m going to call a man? I’ll return his phone calls. Granted, if I really like a person, I’ll call him. If he doesn’t return the phone call, I don’t bother calling back. Hey, he got the message, he knows that I called, so why in the hell should I call back? The reason that he hasn’t called is because he emailed you instead. Let’s get real here! I’m from the Old School of being courted, getting flowers, and writing love poems to that someone, cooking a nice meal and dining by candlelight, doing special things simply because, getting giddy, can’t sleep, eat, or think because of this special person. The feelings should be likewise, it takes two to relate in a relationship. I know, dream on! And finally, you have Mr. and Mrs. Religious Wrong professing that marriage between two men or two women isn’t right. How in the hell do they know? This is coming from people who don’t honor their own wedding vows, hate each other guts, and throw kids into the brew to simmer and sauté into a product of a Dy-fluck-Shun-NO household. Emotional scars run deep and can be reopened easily which is why Therapists are making a fortune. This is also coming from people who let their kids dictate to them and be total brats. Teacher’s tell children that if their parents hit them or threaten them to call 911. If I had children, I’d tell them to call an orphanage or to request medical attention. If this isn’t bad enough television shows and comics all have bratty kids who don’t mind their parents and are considered cute. This is the norm for a majority of today’s screwed up children who grow up to be screwed up adults. What? Take a good look look at today’s youth. They make coffee nervous. Scary! I’m from the Old School where children were taught their manners and made to mind them. Discipline! Is beginning to be a lost art in parenting. Rules like;sit up straight, speak when spoken to Respect their elders, Go to school and get an education, so you’d be somebody. Golden rules like;never interrupt an adult conversation. Never talk back to your parents or any other adult. It was never cling to your parents, you were told to go play with your toys, watch television, or read a book. You were told that whatever went on in the household stayed in the household. And if you didn’t mind any of the above rules, you got your ass whupped! It was that simple! You couldn’t call 911 because you had to ask permission to use the phone. Not only that, you had to say who you were calling. Had you said; “911”, you would have been told to call the morgue instead. If I had children, I’d rise them the same and wouldn’t tolerate stunts, tandems, or misbehavior in public. If I had children, I’d be in jail for child abuse, neglect, andevery other charge that used to be considered discipline. If I ever do get married, I’m renting children for family gatherings and social functions. And if I ever do get married knowing the way my luck runs, it’ll be by email.


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