D Best Of …The Saga Continues.. Deceptions
The Saga Continues.. Deceptions
By Nevin Jefferson
Recently a friend of mine has been living a nightmare that had come to life. He and three friends decided to become responsible about themselves and get tested for HIV antibodies. None of them are sluts by night, dial-a-screw, one-time-Susie’s , take me, and get out! In the days of old, they were quite bold, but then again who wasn’t. Since then maturity had settled them down with living a life as a person and not as sex objects. There are other green acres to be explored in one’s self, and they opted for that route. One was about to become more involved with his soul mate, the second was getting back into the dating circuit, the third had nothing better to do, so why not? This is the right thing to do! The fourth was the exception in the group, one who boosted of never having safe or safer sex and had recently “done” over 38 guys at the baths in one week. I’ll let you math buffs do the equation on this one. It was out of concern for their friend that made it more urgent to follow through on this decision. They made a vow that they would be there if anyone turned out to be positive. No one would be alone. They’d stick together and take the right procedures in keeping the situation under control. They were going into this together and they were going to continue it together. Isn’t this what friendships is all about? Being there. They had me as a backup, for advice and guidance since I’m involved in Aids Awareness and Education. So off they went to a free testing clinic that I had referred them to compliments of The Pierce County Aids Foundation where I volunteer my time and services. Shocker city was when my friend, the one most likely to ace the test turned out to be positive. He recalled that during a night of passion with his then-lover the use of a condom was completely ignored. The fact that the guy swore on a stack of Bibles that he was negative with the present partner included made it all so easy. This and the fact that two negative people don’t have to practice safe and safer sex techniques. Later on he found out that the guy in question was indeed positive and demanded safe sex. But the estranged lover refused safe sex because condoms were uncomfortable and sex didn’t feel natural. Of course, walking papers were served! There was a relief when the results of prior testing turned out to be negative. It was this point in time that he vowed that from now on, it was safe and safer sex only! Celibacy was chosen because the custom of tricking around became passé and dangerous. Since then for the past eight years, Moses couldn’t part his legs! Next to him, Doris Day looked like a tramp. An attitude adjustment was required in dealing with the matter at hand. My friend felt like his morals, standards, and beliefs were all for nothing. The thought of living a joke with the punch line being HIV-positive weighed heavy on his mind. There was a feeling of being tainted and cheated. He had tried to do the right thing and it had gone wrong. He considered the fact that his other friend had led a sexual life in great abundance and had skipped out of the clinic negative. Nothing had happened to him, so his chances of doing the same at the time of his earlier decision were just as good. This thought was quickly concluded when the other friend had to be rushed into emergency surgery for venereal warts caused by syphilis. The idea of having a lover or finding a lover went on the back burner somewhere past Egypt. Who could be accepting of this? He had witnessed the attitudes towards people with HIV/AIDS shown towards me from the community. He wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. He was glad that it was him and not the other three. He couldn’t handle it any other way. Just like he couldn’t handle what had happened to his other friend. The same sentiment was ditto for the rest of the group. He didn’t deserve this, he’s way too nice of a guy for this to happen to and he’s our role model. He was also the topic of an upcoming article “born-again-virgins” which is now on hold per his request. Still in a fog of denial, I took my friend to an HIV+ 101 seminar sponsored by The Pierce County Aids Foundation. He learned everything that he had to do to keep strong and healthy while beating out the virus with a medication regiment . I had already briefed him and made an appointment with my Doctor for him. The others in the group are adapting the same habits of eight hours of sleep, healthy balanced meals, stress management, and safe and safer sex exclusively. Who’s going to tell you the truth about their HIV status? How can you be sure about the person that you’re bare backing with? Chances are that if he’s bare backing it with you, he doing the same with others. Failure to be tested, failure to disclose one’s status is why this epidemic is spreading so rapidly. We all have our own window of time. You can only put so much in a window before it becomes cluttered and dirty. If you play, be prepared to pay! After a romantic session in front of a fireplace, a guy tells his partner; “Oh, by the way, I have AIDS, but I’m okay. In a crowded bar one guy kept coming on to a friend of mine. He told him during their conversation that his last two lovers had died from AIDS, but he was okay. I understand that some people refuse to practice safe and safer sex. Their logic: “if it’s meant for you to have it, you’ll get it”. They feel that since they eat fiber, take vitamins, and exercise regularly, they’ll be OK. It’s not that simple! Believe what you want. The bottom line is that a momentary lust of the flesh can lead to permanent infirmity or destruction of the flesh.